It’s been said you can never truly go home again. I think this is half true. You can never truly go home again because no longer is your home just that brick house in a small suburb, it is now the dorm you live in for nine months of the year. There is a whole piece of your life that your nearest and dearest loved ones have perhaps never met. And that’s weird.
However, for me it seems as if every time I return home — the two whole times I have since departing for college — it is as if nothing has changed. Perhaps thats because I grew up in small town suburbia or perhaps that’s because I haven’t changed as much as I like to think I have.
There’s a dangerous comfortability you fall into when you return home. The same old bad habits resurface, whether they be junk food, a boy, or old high school drama.
No matter how much you’ve grown the comfortability of home, good or bad, consumes you.
The nostalgia is hard to ignore. There are restaurants you would walk to during your lunch hour, the houses of former friends and boyfriends, the place where the local carnival takes place every year, the spot where you found out you were accepted to the school of your dreams.
What I’ve learned about being home is that it’s okay to appreciate the nostalgia but not to act on it. You’ve moved away, you’ve grown up, you’re different and that’s a good thing. Everything in the past is there for a reason. And repeating the past, even for a second, brings sadness. Sadness because things aren’t the same and they never will be. You can’t be the irresponsible 17 year old. And to try and act like one is a disservice to the person you’re becoming.
Good or bad, home is home. And it will always be there when you need it. I’m now learning that home isn’t just a place. But rather a feeling of warmth the people in your life give you that your childhood home used to.
So this post is dedicated not to the place I spent these past 3 months at home but rather the people who raised me and the people I grew up with. The people who continually make me feel at home wherever I may be.